There was a two year period when my mental health was terrible. I was deep into a battle with crippling anxiety and depression, and I lost myself. Almost everything I had used to define myself was gone. I rarely left the house. Thankfully I managed to make it out the other side, but I was left with what felt like the shell of who I had been. Looking back now, I see this was a blessing in disguise. I hadn’t been left with an empty shell. I was left with a blank canvas.
I changed a lot after high school and into my early 20s. Some changes were good. I started to discover who I was in a lot of ways. On the other side, a lot of changes weren’t made for me. I met new people and tried so hard to fit into the box of their expectations. I became good at it too. I was a camelion of sorts, ready to be whatever people wanted me to be. I lost parts of myself doing this, which I didn’t even realize at the time. When I got sick, this was all washed away. I got to start over anew, and figure out exactly who I wanted to be. For that, I am grateful.
It’s been a long process, becoming the person I really am. I’m still working on it. This blog is the perfect example. I’ve always loved writing, but stopped to make way for other ‘more important’ things. Once you take away the things that don’t matter, you’re left with the things that do. I know I have a lot more work ahead of me, but I’m looking forward to it. I love the person I’m becoming, and can’t wait to know her more.